The Quest for The Perfect Bathtub
by Tree
Summary: Legolas sets out on a quest for THE Perfect Bathtub, will he find the bathtub that he's always wanted? Will his wife let him go? I DUNNO! READ AND REVIEW! I LUV YOU!


"The quest for the perfect bathtub"  
By: Tree THAT IS I!  
  
Disclaimer: I STRONGLY SUGGEST THAT YOU READ MY FIC CALLED "Legolas builds a house". I did own the bathtub...but Legolas now own it. I don't own Legolas and I don't own his bathtub or his house! I only own this keyboard I'm typing on! Palanfëawen is a pretend character! In no way it is I! I wish…psh! And Palanfëawen is MY character, please don't take her!  
NICE AND POINTLESS^ ^  
  
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The quest for the perfect bathtub  
  
Legolas was thinking about his bathroom one-day, while taking a bath. He was pleased with his bathroom, but he didn't like his bathtub. It was made of brass and had royal carvings on the side. What he wanted was a white bathtub with white handles that said 'HOT' and 'COLD' on them. Oh yes that was his dream bathtub.  
  
"Oh blessed Hamster…a white bathtub! My own white bathtub!" Legolas said with glee. He then, getting out of the tub and putting cloths on, he skipped down the hall and to his Wife's study. He stopped at the door and gently knocked on the open door.  
  
"Good afternoon Palanfëawen," Legolas said walking in. His wife was reading a book in the balcony when Legolas walked in. She looked up from her book. "Good afternoon to you Legolas," said Palanfëawen smiling. "I trust that you had a good bath." Legolas nodded, "yes I did…I came up with an idea." Legolas was hesitant; "It's…a very good…idea." Palanfëawen placed her book done on her lap.  
  
"What is this idea of yours?" Palanfëawen said interested. Legolas placed a hand on her shoulder. "I was thinking about our bathroom and about our-" Legolas began to talk but was interrupted by his wife. "Oh no! Legolas is this about the bathtub is it?" Said his wife annoyed and rolling her eyes.  
  
"Uh maybe…" Legolas said. "You see we need a better bathtub!" Palanfëawen stood up and sighed. "The bathtub we have is just fine! I just know this idea of yours is going to end up like the 'build your own wooden house' idea! Give it a rest Legolas!" She said walking in the room and placing her book on a bookshelf.  
  
Legolas followed her. "But honey! This bathtub I want is a high quality bathtub! Better than the one we have now! It's the best! And doesn't my wife deserve the best?" Legolas grabbed her hand. "This bathtub could mean better times for us. We will live well because of it. We won't be poor anymore."  
  
Palanfëawen laughed, "Darling it's just a bathtub! We live in a palace and you are King! What do you mean by better times?" Legolas eyes widen and his eyebrows raised, "I'm king?" Palanfëawen rolled her eyes. "Yes Legolas, don't you remember? Guess not…too busy thinking about the house you were going to build!"  
  
Legolas laughed, "oh yeah! I remember!" Then Legolas got serious, "and what do you mean 'It's just a bathtub?' This is 'THE' bathtub!" Palanfëawen walked out of her study, shaking her head and with Legolas right behind her. "Legolas it's just a bathtub!"  
  
Legolas sighed, "It's 'THE' bathtub though!" Legolas stopped following her. "I'm going to The Shire!" He stated and his wife turned around. "What? The Shire! Why is this?" His wife said furious. "Because I think that's were The Perfect Bathtub is."  
  
"You think? Legolas stay here; our bathtub is just fine!" Palanfëawen said pleading. "Stay here with me." She walked over to Legolas and hugged him. "I don't want you to go…stay here with me. I'll be lonely and I love you." Legolas stoked her hair, "I know but this bathtub means a lot to me and we need this. Just think of our children!"   
  
Palanfëawen stepped back and looked at Legolas. "WE DON'T HAVE ANY CHILDREN!" Legolas thought a moment. "Oh…I think we need some." Palanfëawen slapped Legolas; "you're crazy!" Then she stormed off, leaving Legolas all to his lonesome.  
  
"I think I should start off on my journey now!" Said Legolas to himself. Legolas walked to his bedroom, packed and wrote a good bye letter. He read it out loud.  
  
The letter said….  
  
Dear Palanfëawen:  
  
How are you? I am fine. Well I am off to the Shire, to find The Perfect Bathtub! I love you! And when I get back…if you're good you can take a bath in our Perfect Bathtub! And maybe I can take a bath with you! Hee Hee! Well good night! BYE!   
  
-Love Legolas, THE KING!  
  
  
"I think this letter will do!" Said Legolas placing the letter on their bed. Then he ran out the door, with his backpack and continued running.  
  
Legolas ran for a month. Until he got to Bree, where he stayed at the Super 8 Motel.  
"And here's your key sir." Said an old man, behind a counter, Legolas nodded. "Thank you!"  
Legolas walked up the stairs and opened his bedroom door. It was a small room that smelled like bananas.  
  
"Odd place…I should have checked in the "Royal Hotel of Bree". That hotel might smell better. Oh well! I'm here and there is food, Ale, and a bed to sleep on." Legolas set his backpack on the bed and collapsed on the floor and fell asleep.  
  
~~~~ The Next Morning ~~~~  
  
Legolas woke up at the sound of a bagpipe playing in the next room. "What the-" Groaned Legolas. He stood up and rubbed his eyes, yawning. "Where am I?" Legolas grabbed his backpack and jumped out the window. Once he landed on the ground he ran into an alley.  
  
"Ok Legolas where are you going?" Legolas thought. Then he remembered that he was in search of The Perfect Bathtub. "Oh yeah!" He said out loud. He ran towards the Shire.   
  
In took him 3 weeks to reach the outside of the Shire. He sat down on the ground began to sing:   
  
There is an inn, a merry old inn.... Something something...yahda who! And the cow jumped over the moon and raped it. Laade does! I'M THE TAXMAN! YEEEAH I'M THE TAX MAAAN! I'LL TAX YOUR FEET! I'LL TAX THE STREET CUZ I'M THE TAXMAN! YEEEAH I'M TAX MAAAN! THE END! FIN!  
  
Then out of no where these ugly guys came out of the woods. They started screaming and cursing. Legolas looks at them, like they were strange. "Um may I help you fellows?" The men stopped and turned towards Legolas. "What?" Asked one of guys, he was ugly and fat. Legolas raised his eyebrows. "May I help you? You seem pretty pissed off. Maybe I can help you be happy."   
  
They guys laughed. "Okay pretty elf boy! You may help us but how will you do so?" Legolas stood up. "For your information I am not a pretty elf boy! I AM AN EXTREMELY HANDSOME ELF KING!" Said Legolas, he planted his legs on the ground and crossed his arms. "I am so handsome that sometimes straight men turn BI when they see me!"  
  
The men covered their eyes and ran away screaming "I don't wanna be BI!" Legolas laughed; "hah I am too handsome for them!" Then out of nowhere a girl named Danielle ran up to Legolas and hugged him. "I LOVE YOU LEGO!" Legolas looks down at the human girl. She was pretty cute.  
  
"This story is getting off track, go find The Perfect Bathtub!" She said kissing him on the cheek and then running away. Legolas stood there for a moment, "I see." Then Legolas took a bus to Hobbiton. And once he got there and he walked to Frodo's house.  
  
"Hello Frodo are you home?" Legolas knocked on the door several times before Frodo answered the door. "Hullo?" Frodo said opening the door all the way. Sam and Rosie were behind him, wondering who was the door.  
  
"Why bless my soul! It's Legolas! Sam, Legolas is here!" Frodo stepped aside as Legolas came inside his home. "Nice to see you again Frodo! Looking good, so is Sam. It's been a long time since we've seen each other!" Frodo pulled a chair out for Legolas and sat in it.  
  
"So what brings you here to the Shire?" Frodo asked sitting next to him. Sam and Rosie began to prepare lunch. "Well you see Frodo; I'm searching for The Perfect Bathtub. And I know it's in the Shire."  
  
Frodo thought a bit, "well to tell you the truth Legolas, I have The Perfect Bathtub." Legolas gasped, "no way! Frodo...I was wandering..." Frodo smiled, "yes you may take The Perfect Bathtub." Legolas jumped out of the chair and banged his head on the ceiling. He fell down and landed on the floor.  
  
"THANK YOU SO MUCH FRODO!" Legolas yelled, rubbing his head. Frodo laughed. " No problem! I'm leaving Middle-Earth anyways so I don't really need it!" Legolas stood up and dusted himself off. "Hey that's cool! Palanfëawen and I are moving also! Over the Sea with Galadriel."  
  
~~~~~~  
Frodo, Sam and Legolas talked for awhile had some lunch, then after lunch Legolas took The Perfect Bath from Frodo and flew in a helicopter back home. The Perfect Bathtub was finally his! Legolas wept silently as he flew home.  
  
When he got their Palanfëawen was waiting for him outside. Legolas landed his helicopter and ran to Palanfëawen and gave her a big hug. "OH MY DEAR WIFE! I FINALLY GOT MY BATHTUB!"  
Palanfëawen smiled, "I'm glad, now let's get it inside! I'm so glad you came back!"  
  
Legolas ordered some people to place it inside his bathroom and Legolas and his wife followed them. The people set it down where the old bathtub and left. "You wanna try it out now Palanfëawen?" Legolas asked her as the guards left. She nodded her and Legolas and Palanfëawen took a bath together in The Perfect Bathtub.  
  
As Legolas was playing with the bubbles, Palanfëawen tried not to scream because this 'Perfect Bathtub' was like the one they had, except it was white with no carvings on it. It was an ordinary bathtub. Nothing special about. She sighed and pretends to like The Perfect Bathtub.   
  
THE END!!!  
~~~  
Tree: Pretty pointless! But I liked it...! Anywho review becuz I know if you don't?! How do I know you ask? Well I pay for my account on FF.Net! And I have an option to see how many people seen my fic and so if I have 6 reviews on one story and I look at how many people read my fic and it's 44 hits, then I know people read it and not reviewed! SO REVIEW! 


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